kool kids klub in: the clonin' blues
by Pablo Arthur Fawkes
Summary: The thrilling conclusion of the exciting and universally loved series. please leave reviews, I live for feedback.


It was a regular day back at tumeblor pokeymanz higscool.

Lacey and BadSJW were walkin and blobbing to the cafeteria. They were supposed to be in history, but the teacher was a creepy old man who liked to rub himself on the tables, so they passed. They saw a new girrl talkin too anita the ditto. she was an eevee, but sumhoow wiv big and barley cuvvered boobies. she was talkin to aniitaa and their group about how intersekshanal feninimimimnininimism is a blessing and that her armpit hair is so lit or sumfin. Bad ess jay double-you went up to anitaa.

"Hey, why are you hanging around with a gross Eevee?" she asked for some reason.

"Why do you care, you meanie?" Anitaa said, trying to think of a buzzword that worked in this situation.

"I dunno, mybe because normalfag eevees are gross, and Glaceons are the best ever!" she said, patting Lace on the head slightly too hard.

"That is Evolution-based discrimination and I will not stand for it!" A knee tar said, sitting down. "Come on, Laci, let's go speak to the principal who is a shiny Charizard mega evolution."

Then they all walked a way.

Then, the glorious black glaceon turned their head, the glamerous silky ebony fur on their neck sliding against itself, shimmering in the bright midday sun.

"Wait, Did she say that eevee's name was laci? That's very similar to my name, witch is lace. Laci and lace sound very alike. Our names are almost the same." The stunning and majestic glaceon said.

"That's copyright infringement, let's go talk to a lawyer or something." BandAIDS said, blobbing along with her friend. "Either that, or hire some thugs to kidnap them."

"WAIT RIGHT THERE!" The shiney mega evolution shiny super ultra rare awesome chocolatey fudge coated mega super not-a-digimon-ripoff charizard principal shrieked. "You two are expelled for discriminating against this lovely young eevee. I do not stand for discrimination of any king in this school. you are expelled for ever and all eternity, unless you are able to re-enroll next semester."

Then the two designated heroes of the story were kicked out, even though lace hadn't actually done anything. that's how mean the school was.

"Those guys are mean" SjwBAD said.

"I concur" Lace said, "they are buttfaces"

"You said it," BadLMNOP said "they are really nasty cunts"

"yes" Lace said, " they really are a bunch of silly billies."

Then the Millenium falcon landed right in front of them. They stood in shock as a woman came out and stood in front of them.

"I'm sorry about this, but we are going to have to take you with us for training" Leia Organa said. "You have been involved in this without knowing.

"Involved in what?" Lace asked, worried about what was going to happen to them.

"There is an intergalactic empire that has taken over the galaxy." Leia said, once they had been fully situated on the ship, "Their troops are full of clones. They chose people who would be perfect soldiers. But before it was perfected, they needed to test it. They first tried to recreate some of histories greatest, and most evil, leaders. They gave up once it was found that all of these historical clones turned out completely mentally unbalanced. I know that you met one of these clones before..."

"You mean Kylo Ren?" Bad asked.

"That was just Greg Onions. He had deluded himself into believing he was the true Kylo Ren. He was the last try. After him they turned to cloning people who would be the perfect soldiers. All of them were, during the cloning process, turned into super soldiers. However, this also did not work. Their muscles became too powerful, their brains too analytical. They collapsed under the stress of existing. They then realised that the best thing to do was to collect some... less advanced life forms to clone. The first clone was your classmate Anita the Ditto. She was cloned from your DNA, Bad SJW. She clearly failed, as she came out as a vulgar approximation of you."

"Oh, god. I think I'm going to throw up!" Bad looked nauseated. She felt used and abused, and hated not remembering anything about this.

"The next clone was a male. They needed to see if it was a gendered issue. They will tell you that gender is only a societal structure, but their scientists factored it in for a reason. The next clone to be created was someone who they called, simply, Chris. He was slightly more of a success. They then mass produced clones from this DNA sample until..."

"Wait! They cloned Shitposter-Chris too?" Bad was on the verge of tears, trying not to imagine the cruel things that her and her boyfriend had undergone without their knowledge.

"No, Bad. Shitposter is the clone."

They arrived at the Headquarters of the Military Rebellion Artillery. Leia had to stop explaining the mission that BadSJW and Lace would be sent on. Bad couldn't cope with the thought of the gross violations that she, but more importantly Chris, had to deal with. Lace didn't know how to help. They didn't think that there was anything that could be said that could cheer anyone up from this kind of a realisation. So they both just sat next to each other. One of them crying, the other coming to another, chilling realisation.

The next day, after a tear stained night, they were taken to a briefing. The room was large and thinly populated. Bad was still shook up over the past she had learned of the day before. However, she needed to be there. They sat together, at the front of the room. A familiar face appeared in front of them.

"Okay, we must now begin" Leia said, her voice boomed to the back of the room. "I'm going to make this quick, we all have something better to be doing right now. We have two new recruits to train. I will send their profiles to each of your departments, you will all be given a copy of their timetables. Give them the basic training for the mission. Dismissed!"

All of the various species, all wearing different uniforms, left quickly and efficiently. They had clearly done this many times. Bad and Lace stayed where they were, waiting for someone to come and tell them where to go or what to do. Soon they saw Leia walking briskly towards them. She had a purposeful yet thoughtful manner about her. She had some scraps of paper in her hand.

"Come with me." she said, showing no obvious feelings.

She lead the two new recruits down a sleek, white corridor, to a smooth metal door. Beyond the door was a small featureless room containing nothing but two metal stools and a larger, more comfortable-looking chair. Leia sat in the chair, and gestured for the two to sit. They looked at the stools, they were too high for a blob and too narrow for a glaceon. They simply stayed where they were, BadSJW getting more comfortable, and Lace plopping herself down, finding the floor to be unusually warm. Leia adjusted her seat to face them, and began.

"I know that you both have been through a large emotional journey, but we cannot afford to wait any longer for this. The Fempire know that you're here. They have bugs all around our base, and they monitor all of our computer usage. This is the only clean room, because it's only accessible to the highest authorities, namely, me. We have bought ourselves some time with phoney documents about your training, but we still need to strike fast. You are going to be sent on a mission the moment you step out of this room." She looked at them intently, expecting them to be full of questions. She was faced with only one.

"Why us?" Lace asked, knowing that the same question would be on Their friend's mind.

"The Fempire's base only allows access to those with the right genetic code. Because the cloning process still has issues, the only way to make sure this works is to use the original genetic code, and allow for a slight margin of error." She said with a slight grimace, expecting the next question to come out as soon as she had finished.

"Laci the eevee is a clone of me, isn't she." Lace said flatly. They had known it was true, without realising it, the moment They had seen the Eevee. she looked just like They had before They evolved.

"I'm sorry that I could not find a better way for you to find out, Lace," Leia said, solemnly. "But you are the only two who can do this. as we speak, they will be starting a training program to deal with lightsabers and the force. We must strike while they are unguarded. You must use the modified Xwing we have made. The co-ordinates are set and it has an autopilot, you won't need to do anything. You just have to get in, follow a map which you will find in the ship, push a button, and get out. I have faith in you. Now go, follow the man outside the door." With that, the door slid open and revealed a man in a blue all-in-one suit, not dissimilar to that of a janitor.

The two got up and followed in. They walked around ten metres and entered what can only be described as a galactic chop-shop. There were all manner of different engines and wings strewn all over the place. They finally got to the least beaten up thing in the room, a mish-mash of various old series x-wing parts, put together so it would fid a quadrupedal being, with the area designated for droids transformed into a pod to seat a blob. As they both got in, the man gave them helmets to put on, which he attatched to the air tanks. Everything looked ancient, there was no steering mechanism of any kind, or any kind of controls at all, except for two buttons. one said "TARGET" the other said "HOME".

Once they were fully strapped in, the ship fuelled and tested for any serious issues, and they were told which button to press when they wanted to come back, they set off.

The journey was quick, the fempire base was not as far away as they had expected. They docked within an hour of leaving.

They both stepped out of their vehicle, and noticed that there were no guards of any kind. they clearly had faith in the technology they used. Lace and Bad walked to the door. above it there was a camera and a sign whoch read, 'Strategic Jurisdiction Wardens entrance'.

"Strategic Jurisdiction Warden? What does that even mean?" Bad asked. "That's just a bunch of military sounding words mashed into a name."

"Yeah, it seems like they just wanted the acronym." Lace replied. They both moved forward a little, into view of the camera. It moved up and down, no doubt scanning their features to assess their genetic make-up. The doors then slid open, grinding against the frames and hissing with the hydraulics.

The pair walked inside, bad looked at the 'map' they had been given. It was a single screen display that had green lines representing walls and a red dot showing where they needed to be. It seemed like an easy task, walk forward, turn left, walk more, turn right and they would be there.

As they reached the first door, they heard a beat of stomping footsteps, loud and all synchronised. They stood away from the door, waiting for it to pass. It was then that it dawned on them, they were two civilians taking on a large, highly trained army.

They listened intently, waiting for the sounds to disappear. Bad glanced at the map, checking to see if it had any way of detecting obsticles. It didn't, it simply showed the green walls and red goal. It was then that the two realised another detail, this was not going to be as easy as advertised.

They looked around, both knowing that they had to disguise themselves to be able to get to their target with less chance of a confrontation. They turned down a small corridor of lockers, finding two black jumpsuits of the appropriate sizes and shapes after a couple of minutes of searching. After they had finished donning the janitorial uniforms, they left the room.

They entered a silver corridor. Pipes of varying sizes lined the walls and ceiling. The floor was a series of grated panels, covering more pipes, as well as various wires and electronics. The two friends turned to their left and walked slowly, trying to seem confident, towards their target. After a couple of feet, they had to turn right and climb a small set of stairs, bringing them three feet higher than before. They walked towards the door they had to enter, it was a few metres in front of them. just as they began to close the distance, a voice came from behind them.

"Where do you two think you are going" boomed a robotic voice from behind them. As they turned, they saw red armour, with a gas-mask like respirator. The armour showed some feminine curves, while still being very conservative.

"Well?" the voice drilled into their skulls once more before a small electronic gasp escaped, "A black glaceon? Troops, get to Sector Julien Whiskey! NOW!"

With that, the red figure lurched towards the glaceon, and they glaceon lurched towards the door. The rebels managed to get into the the targeted room just before they were caught. They locked the door and barricaded it with a large metal cylinder. It would not hold them off very efficiently, or provide much extra protection, but it made them feel better for the moment.

They turned around and instantly felt afraid. The button which they had to simply press was on a small, barely stable, bridge. The door and metal tube shook with a boom. Loud shouts and orders enacted from the echoing corridor outside.

"Hey Bad, are you sure we are on the right side?" Lace said, with a half confused and half sad look on their face.

"Sure we are. The fempire used us without our consent. they took our DNA and made clones. They are currently forcefully trying to attack us." Bad replied, her angry tone betraying her calm face.

"But we don't know the end of their plan. We only know what they've done, not why. And, we are trying to kill them all. I'd kill someone trying to kill me and all of my allies."

"There is no justification for what they did to me." Bad said, trying to bring the conversation to an end to let her finish her mission.

"We can't leave anyway, pressing that button is a death sentence for us as well as them. Maybe we should give ourselves up as prisoners of war."

As Bad was trying to formulate some kind of a response, a weak, nerdy voice spoke up.

"I can help you with that." See-dubbleyuu-see, the sonichu, said. His appearance was distinctly similar the the last time they saw him, but it was also partially obscured by complex machinery and electronics.

Bad looked at him in anger. "I know you See, we aren't going to date your or anything in return for your help."

"I understand that, Bad," See said, solemnly, "I have changed. I know that my feelings will never be reciprocated. I have come to peace with this. And I would like to help you to take down the people who did this to me." He gestured towards his body vaguely. "Now go press that button, I'll hold these guys off." And with that he activated his custom yellow lightsaber and exited the room, locking it behind him.

The pair ran to the bridge. They reached the button in a matter of seconds.

"Should we do it together?" Bad asked.

"No, they affected you more than they did me. You do it." Lace said, looking Bad in the eyes. She was hesitating. Lace took the blob's hand in Their paw and pressed it to the button. Red lights began to flash and sirens blared.

They heard an explosion at the door. They turned and found a familiar red figure standing just in the doorway. The armour was charred in patches, the helmet broken to show a patch of pasty white skin, a yellow-stained eye, and a thin clump of matted red hair. The armour-clad enemy raised her arm and shot towards the two rebels. They both jumped out of the way, but the blaster fire hit the panel of bridge which Lace had landed on. The panel swug down, still connected on one side. Lace managed to hiold on with Their claws. A cybernetic hand reached around the red armour and pierced it, the familiar yellow lightsaber burning a hole through. The pair of cyborgs collapsed onto each other. The blade had gone through the armour, and through the metal plates of the attacker's back.

Bad ran towards the dying hybrid, tears running down her cheeks.

"See, no. Don't fucking die for me! Speak to me" She screamed as she reached him. "Fucking speak!"

"B...Bad. I always loved you. I hope you and Chris have a happy life. Goodbye..."

"No, don't die for me! I can't deal with that!" Bad started sobbing, tears streaming down her body. She walked towards the bridge, sadly remembering her friend.

"Bad, go. leave. You can't save me. The best situation for us right now is for you to leave, get in the ship, and end the war." Lace screamed, sobbing. The glaceon's tears soaking the fur around her shiny wet eyes.

"No, Lace, I.." Bad started.

"Bad, you need to go. I can't pull myself up, and you can't either. Just go!"

Bad backed away. She couldn't deal with everything that was happening. The stress and trauma was just too much for her to take in. She couldn't think clearly.

Then Lace realised that they could fly with the power of ice magic like Ice King from adventure time. then they made a bunch of snowmen like elsa can and the snowmen all helped them escape with the power of friendship, love and cold-blooded murder. then the rebel forces all had a party in roanupur with captain jack sparrow. Lace was caught making out with Greg Onions/Kylo-Ren's force ghost.

THE END


End file.
